Lovechild

Hung out with Camme all day yesterday. She spent the night at my place from Saturday to Sunday and I at her place from Sunday to today (Monday). So yesterday I tagged along to Bluehill to just watch her classes but I got so pumped by the music and the energy so I joined. The vibe in general was great and the fact that Amir came and was bubbly helped! :)

After this Camme, one of her sweet friends Linda aka. Lindeeerrrrr, and me went to McDonalds and then off to Cammes place. Of course I realized that I was hungry just inte time for like midnight so off we went back to McDonalds just Camme and I. We ended up having a very deep conversation as usual but this one was scary. A major red bell rang inside of me when I started to blurt out my feelings but for some reason it feels safe to do that with Camme. The entire conversation was about people having left me for reasons I still can't figure out.

So why the title Ice queen or suicide attempt? Well, when people left and hurt me it took me a long time to bounce back but I finally did. The reason for it having taken so long is because I thought that the solution was to become an Ice queen and let noone in what so ever but I just ended up lonely and scared of everything so what I did was I let everything go and jumped off that clip of lonelyness and fear. Where di I end up? In my wonnderful Antons arms. It wasn't all laughs and gags with him either but as soon as I leaped I saw results that have changed my life.

My point is that no matter who hurts you, no matter how many people you have to cross off your friend list you have to get up again and give even more than you did. Because if you don't give you won't get. If you don't let go you get stuck. If you don't realize that te hardest part is to stand up again and smile you will become bitter. So there you go. It's your life so it's your choice. Take your pick! ;)

Only Love! :') <3

Some people are assholes. I mean BORN assholes. I might be jumping to conclusions here but if those acusations are true then I am not just dissapointed but I am also disgusted. Not that this person has to care about how I feel but hey that won't stop me from feeling the way I do.

JERK! DICKHEAD! IDIOT!

If you have complaints about your fucking girl than end things don't go and fuck up your own reputation. These kind of things piss me off. What is with guys? YES I WILL BE GENERALIZING HERE AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT LEAVE!!!

Some of the nicest guys you will ever meet will turn out to be nothing but pussy wrapped horny sons of bitches. All they want is to get laid no matter where, when of with who. These people are messed up and should be castrated or whatever. Fine boys will be boys but GUYS this doesn't mean that you should make yourselves even more ignorant than you naturally are. It's your loss in the end!

Men= Women with a body part shaped like a large toe hanging in between there legs, more muscles, less brain activity. RETARDS!

So I went to a classmates 18th birthday party. I ended up in a bathroom with two of my guys friends. One of them was half dead because he was so drunk and the other one was holding up his head. The dead one, Rokas, the savior, Filmon. So I hung out with Filmon to keep him company. Felt bad for him but not just that I wanted to avoid a crapy party that was taking place right outside.

The party was pretty much just a bunch of drama, crying, fights, vomiting and shit like that. Nothing I really wanna talk about here. Not worth it.

But now I'm chillin at home with Camme after a loooong day of work. After work Camme, Anton, Kim and I took an "After Work" at Bauers and I enjoyed the drinks a the view a bit too much! :p

Peace!

Today I smoked my last cigarette! I don't wanna end up like this or worse, if possible. That's the end of that chapter. That's all I have to say.

Without you I wouldn't be alive today. You have faught since I was two months old and the 9th of March 2010 I realized just how much you have faught!


I love you Mommy! :') <3

I will try everything between heaven and earth to tray and make you understand just how much I love you! This song barely touches the surface of my feelings for you! :')

I love you Anton!

"You smile i smile" is a new song by Justin Bieber that I really liked. I have only heard the acustic version and it was really nice and calming.

Today I have stayed home from school because I haven't been feeling all that well but now I'm a bit better and I'm off to Antons place. I just feel like I need to be with him after all that has happend today!

This update will not be much longer than this due to a lot of things. I'll try to check in with ya'll later!

Peace and love! <3



Anton and me in the near future on abeach in Greece! :')

A lot of people call me weird and crazy but hey you know what...I LIKE IT!

Right now I'm watching a live broadcast online on one of Justin Biebers concerts and I just can't explain the joy I fell. Call me whatever you like but you will never be able to take away the fact that I like being a freak and I love Justin Bieber!

There have been waaay to many downfalls this year with school and all so if you wanna cal me names for finding my corny source of happiness be my guest!

Love! <3 :)

My dear friend Filmon showed me this! WOW is all I have to say! DAMN!!!

MUCH LUV TO THEM! :D <333

So I had a doctors appointment this morning and a bloodtest was in order. That went......HORRIBLY!
For some reason the nurses who have been doing this for the past 25 years have no idea of how to find a vein. No just kiddin! :p The problem was that I was nervous because of a talk that we had before about my disease and the risks of it and I got waaaay to worked up so my vein decided to run away and hide. So two pokes later I freaked out and I requested the option of taking the test tomorrow which was granted.

I really have no clue of what happens to me everytime I have to take bloodtest but I panic and I freak big time. I just become a nervous reck and I start crying and shit. And nooo not in a loud kind of way but I have troubles breathing because I try to calm myself down while the tears fog up my sight because of the unstopable waterworks.

So basically what I found out today was that there is a risk for me to just suddenly get a stroke, that I have the "option" of getting a blood transfusion but this means that I will become dependent of it and since I can't take a needle for 30 seconds there is no chance on earth that I will be able to take one for several hours like once a month! I also found out that the medications I'm on are in swedish called "cellgift behandling" which is the same type of medicine one usually gives cancer sick people but mine are a much milder version.

So after a lot of freaked out crying on my way to school I calmed down, went to class and now I'm in a class meeting starving for food and guess what.....we are chosing our menu for our graduation dinner which is just a darn tease right now! :p

Now I'm in class as I said but after this class I am off to my friend Camme's place to chill and then after that my second rehersal for the Last Bounce.  Oh yeah that was something I never wrote about. So I got a phone call yesterday where the voice from the other side asked me if I wanted to participate in their major flashmob! The idea is really cool and it could be really good but for some strange reason I feelt REALLY uncomfortable. Well anywho! Cammeloonie knows what I mean!

Much love yall! PAYCE!!!

<3

Haha I know that title sounds wrong but right at the same time but what I mean and what I need help is finding a graduation dress!

If you guys have any suggestions of websites I can check or dresses in general PLEASE tell me! I'm freaking out! hahah :p

I found three dresses that ewre okay but it feels like what I'm gonna wear on my graduation shouldn't just be okay but it should call out my name and become a part of me! :p Right girls? :P

haha!

Anywhoooo...the ones I've found so far are:

1.

2.

3.

Send in a comment on which dress you liked the most and if you didn't like any of them PLEASE tell me! Help me find THE dress!! :p

Love! <3

I'm human right? So I like attention and sometimes maybe a bit too much! But somehow I always manage to keep it down and not get all airheaded. Or so I belieb and hope! (YES YA'LL THE BELIEB WAS ON PURPOSE CAUSE I*M A JUSTIN BELIEBER!)

Well back to the point. Temptation will always come my way no matter what I do, but it's weird that no matter what nothing beats the safety I have with my love! I can't even begin to explain how deeply I love him and how much he means to me! He is the love of my life and I wouldn't swap him for anything!

Everytime we seperate we text each other like corny little kids saying that we miss each other. And I don't know about him but I really do miss him like two hours after we've parted. Sometimes it's good that we part because we have a very intense relationship as it is already. Being in the same school and all but that doesn't bother me.

My mom told me that it one finds a chunk of gold one should never let go of it. And that's how I feel about Anton! He makes me so happy and he has finally broken the trend of all my lonely days. And let me tall yah! It sure was about time! :P

There are gonna be several temporary hunks that one meets along the road and that one lusts for but NOTHING beats the security I get from him. He loves me for who I am. No matter how moody I can be he still manages to make me smile and love him more than ever. He is one of those few guys out there that all girls secretly dream of. No matter how crazy or anti girly I am he just smiles, shruggs his shoulders, gives me a kiss and tells me he loves me! That is love right there!

He accepts me with all my flaws. He looks at me and thinks I'm perfect no matter what I'm wearing. He loves me when I'm being silly, sad, happy, naggy, moody, grumpy, whatever you name it!

He is my own Mr. Perfect!




Anton Erholm!

Is it really worth it in the end. Now I just feel so stupid choosing this stupid highschool education. The prestigues IB Diploma program! I HATE IT! Somehow all they want in the end is to test which of us will commit suicide and which of us won't thats it! The rest is bullshit! Nobody cares if one has a diploma or not. We're just letting ourselves get screwed! We think that we are smart but me are self destructive people who like to challenge ourselves for what! NOTHING!

The point of the IB is to prepare us for future studies but I have barely 3 months to go and I never want to enter a school again in my entire life. How's that for preparation?

All I want to do is work, save money and leaves this frozen chicken of a country!

I look at my dreamboard and I doze off but when I'm back to reality I just wanna disappear! I really really really don't wanna do this anymore!!!

Well everything isn't shit of course. I've met wonderful friends but sadely enough when these moments come along the anger manages to erase all the good things. I'm only human!

IB= TORTURE!!!!

IB really does stand for Intelegent Bullshiters and that all it means!

The star of this episode is nobody else but Camelia Raufi!

It's really sad when artist just don't know when to retire and save the world from this type of pain. I used to love her and now she's ruining thos memories with this here song! YOUR OLD AND RICH!!! DO SOMETHING ELSE GIRL!! :p

OH OH aaand guess what this song is called. Louboutines. Naaah could you really figure that out? :P


BTW! Sh'e singing with playback!!!

So, I haven't been updating my blog during the past few days and this has to do a lot with my not being home since like saturday! :p

Well here's a short briefing on whats been going on. Last Friday I was at Nype, this you know, on Saturday I was there again but on Saturdays it turns into a gay club called Zipper! It was sooo fun seeing the guys in our company feel as uncomfortable and as insecure as girls usually do. I had fun anyways. :p

After that I worked, hung out with my boyfriend and my wonderful friend Camme and just chill-axed! :p

Yesterday guess where I was? If ya'll said Nype then you are CORRECT!!! :D DING DING DING!! :p I had a blast. This time I went out with Camme, Filmon, Tomas, Mikias, Matte, Atnon, Sofia, Maja and I met more people alog the road.

In the club I met Jhonathan (I think he spells his name this way! :p) and his friend Danne. I was out with them and some more last Friday at Nype. So it was fun to see them again. I also met a long lost friend named Patrik whom I met years ago in Greece on vaccation and we hung out. SUPER fun to see him! :)

Well since I was at Nype the rest can spell itsself out. IT WAS GREAT! I had a blast and I believe that the rest of the company did too. Untill my boyfriend got kicked out for being "too drunk" he was just as drunk as anybody else there and I bet I could find like a million girls that were out of control that should have been kicked out instead. Anywhoo... shit happens and there is nothing one can do about it now! :p

Security guards and escorts in Stockholms nightlife suck. They are worthless peices of crap who have nothing better to do than find the niced guy in the club and kick him out in order to feel like they have some sort of power. Which they don't in the long run cuz we could end up never coming back and not to brag but since we were many we spend a lot of money there! :p

Otherwise Tomas, Matte, Mikias, and Niklas has a whole lot of fun i believe! ;P

Well pease out for now! See ya'll later!

Love! <3

So I woke up this morning really feeling like P Diddy and i pretty much wanted to kill myselfl! My head hurts and the rest of my body too! :p

Yesterday I was out to celebrate probably my oldest friend who also just happens to be my God- brother. First it was a nice family dinner out in NAcka were he lives (kinda) with good food, great company and the best kareoke I've seen! SAJK! :p When I got to the dinner I was still so tired so I ddin't think I would tag along when they wnet to Nype but hey I got to know the gang and they were the sweetest people! So we went out and had a blast. For some strange reason I didn't pay a single thing yesterday but the drinks still kept coming! Thats how nice they were! :p I met alot of other friends there as well which was cool.

So I decided to "surprise" my boyfriend yesterday by showing up in his room at 04:00 in the morning robbing him of 400 sek to par for my cab and then spending the night with him! Mmmm COZY!! :D So now it's off to work which sucks since I'm sooo hung over!

Check in with ya'll later!
PAYCE!! <3

You're killin me dude!!!!! You sure are a heartthrob!!